KANDIDLY KYLIE

We will never be perfect, but we can be better!

We all have bias. Whether it be racial, the way we raise our kids, what we think is morally correct and in pretty much every facet of life.

This bias we have is shaped by our own experiences, the way we were raised, lessons we have learned, the education we were given, religions and the things we have been exposed to.

The older I get, the more I realise how bias all my own opinions and views are. I see everything through my own lens. I am often ashamed of things I have said in the past, and judgements I have made due to my own bias. Often I see words leave my mouth, and I wish I could catch them and shove them back in.

 The more life throws at us, the more we begin to understand and experience how other parts of life , the challenges and pain feel and impact us. It begins to change us and make us better people, because we have been able to experience things from a whole new perspective, a lived perspective.

One other thing that can change how bias we are, and become more compassionate and understanding human beings, is hearing other peoples stories.  Hearing them while withholding our own judgement, and opinions. Listening with empathy, and trying to understand how it must be in that persons shoes.

 I have found that time and time again, by hearing other stories,  it softens me, makes me understand how complex things are, that each person experiences things in different ways. Even when others lived experiences are similar to our own, they are never the same.

Something powerful happens when we hear someones story, and it’s powerful for both the person sharing and the listener.  So much healing comes in sharing our own stories, it helps us process our pain and things that have happened, and also opens up  opportunity for us to feel heard, understood and validated. 

Sharing our stories with safe people, also helps free us of shame.

 For the listener, they get to enter a world they have not experienced. They get to begin to see things from a new perspective, and they also may even feel less alone, as they begin to relate to the struggles and circumstances of the other person. 

The success of talk therapy, is largely to do with the therapeutic relationship that is formed, even more than the actual therapeutic framework or model. Becoming the kind of person who can allow people the share their stories safely, who validates them and makes them feel heard, not only will make you a better friend or partner, and help them with their healing, it will help break down some of the bias views you may have, making you a better person.

Win/win I say!

Sometimes it’s hard to take a seriously struggles others are going through, but I have came to learn that regardless of wealth, backgrounds, poverty or opportunites, we are all experiencing the human condition, and are not immune to any of it. 

I do share the stories of things I have been through, not because I think my life’s struggles are so special or unique, but because I know I am not alone in the things I have experienced, and if my story even makes just one less person feel like they can share theirs, or feel like they are not alone in what they are going through, that’s enough reason for me. 

Listening to diverse podcasts and different peoples autobiographies, were something I never used to value, but as I have started doing this, I have realised just how much of a bias piece of crap I was, and that I need to do better.

I will always have my own bias thoughts on things, but I hope that the more stories I hear of others, I can slowly change, and become more kind, considerate, accepting, compassionate and understanding.